Month: January 2014
Most of us understand that empathy, or the ability to connect with someone through feeling with them, is an important part of a good romantic relationship. Even though we know this, time and time again we all fall short when it comes to being empathic with our partner. We get critical when we should be nonjudgmental or take something personally when we should simply be open and accepting. We turn away from our partner’s emotion rather than…
Read MoreWe recently discussed ways to identify whether or not you are defensive in your relationship with your romantic partner. If you saw yourself in some of those descriptions and recognize that you are consistently being defensive with your partner, what are some steps you can take toward shifting that behavior into something more productive? A first important step, beyond employing practical strategies, is to understand why you are being defensive in the first place. Often, a maneuver…
Read MoreWe have mentioned the work of Dr. John Gottman before on the Symmetry Counseling blog. Dr. Gottman has extensively researched what makes some romantic relationships happy and lasting and others miserable and doomed to end, and he has identified four behaviors that can actually predict the demise of a relationship. If they occur often enough, criticism, contempt, stonewalling, and defensiveness can erode a relationship so much that it ends. Today, let’s discuss defensiveness and how to identify…
Read MoreWe do a lot of talking this time of year about resolutions and committing to making changes in our lives. While you might have some specific goals for yourself for the new year, like starting a yoga class or watching one less hour of television a night, perhaps you just have a loosely defined sense that something needs to change, but you are not exactly sure what. You are in a funk – not necessarily depressed but…
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