Chicago Adoption Counseling

In the recent past, adoption was shrouded in secrecy and shame and plagued by misconceptions and stereotypes, often harmful to the individuals and families involved. Thankfully, the topic of adoption has become much more widely discussed, destigmatized, and understood. Research indicates that children who are adopted are as healthy and fare as well, if not better, than children who remain with their biological families. Research also indicates that birth mothers are likely to pursue higher education, marry later, and have lower levels of divorce. While it’s clear that adoption can be a blessing for both children and parents, there are also some very common issues that can arise for anyone connected to the adoption: child, birth families, and adoptive families alike.

Adoption Counseling: Loss & Grief

Although statistics show that adoption is ultimately a healthy and beneficial choice for children as well as their birth and adoptive families, there may be a sense of loss felt by individuals in the family systems. Adopted children may wonder about their birth families despite enjoying powerful and loving relationships with their adoptive families. Adoptive parents who experienced infertility may mourn the loss of their fertility and the possibility of a biological child despite a wholehearted love and affection for the child they have adopted. Birth parents may experience a distinct sense of loss but have conflicting feelings over how to acknowledge or express them. These feelings of loss and grief are normal, and may arise repeatedly as time goes on, but are nonetheless very powerful.

Adoption Counseling: Identity

Questions about identity and history may be particularly powerful for adopted children, who might wonder who they look or act like, or what their medical history includes. Many children may struggle to feel a sense of belonging and fear rejection from their adoptive families. Birth parents may feel an invisible loss as the parent of a child who is not present, which may impact their identity as a parent later in life.

Adoption Counseling: Guilt & Shame

Narratives around adoption often focus on the child as being deeply wanted and “chosen” by their adoptive families; however well-meaning these stories, they may also place a heavy sense of responsibility on the child to earn their place or be “worthy” of being chosen. Adoptive and birth parents may also feel a sense of shame or guilt for not being able to have or care for their own biological children despite a cognitive awareness that adoption may have been the best option for all involved.

Adoption Counseling: Reunification

While open adoption is becoming more and more common, for families who opted for a closed adoption reunification is a question likely to arise at some point in time for all parties. Children may desire to meet their birth parents, curious about possible siblings or other family members, and may also have unrealistic hopes for building a relationship with their birth families. Adoptive parents may fear reunification, scared of losing their child to another family despite evidence to the contrary. Birth parents may also have unrealistic hopes for reuniting with their biological children, or may experience large amounts of shame around meeting their children. Reunification can be a wonderful experience for all involved, but should be discussed and planned carefully and realistically in order to protect everyone’s health and well-being.

If you are a birth parent, adoptive parent, or adopted child, and struggling with any of the issues above, contact Symmetry Counseling.

Source: http://www.adoptionsupport.org/res/index.php