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For me, it often happens out of nowhere. I’ll be working on something or listening to music on the train, and something triggers a memory. The memory could be from 10 days ago, or 15 years ago, but I find myself paying attention to that memory for a while, wondering where it came from and if anyone else remembers it. When it’s a memory that includes someone else, I will often reach out to them and ask,…
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Steven Topper, LCPC When telling people you’re feeling down, or anxious, or just not quite right, how often are you responded to with one specific, difficult question: Why? This can feel like a ridiculous, uncomfortable question mostly because of what it is really asking. When people (parents, siblings, friends, significant others, coworkers) ask this, underneath it is a request to prove it. When people ask us why we’re feeling a certain way, on a deeper level is…
Read MoreSteven Topper, LCPC We’ve all seen this Dad before: It’s the 1950’s, he comes home from work where his family is waiting, and everyone follows his orders. That’s because this man demands respect. We could venture to guess that in his constant quest to fulfill the story I Must Be Respected, he probably actually feels respected very little in his life. Constantly reaching to be respected, seldom feeling respected. And yet, this story colors every interaction with…
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After a review of the latest research on affair risks for committed relationships (those that are exclusive sexually and romantically), the most thought-provoking discovery was not the research itself. Instead, it was the presentation of the infidelity statistics as “highly variable” and having much “uncertainty.” As an example, when consolidating research findings, Gottman (2017) notes a “cautious conclusion” stating infidelity rates are “probably about 20% for men and 15% for women.” The author’s use of such vague…
Read MoreI work with many clients who struggle with anxiety or depression related to many reasons whether it is due to their personal or professional life. My job as their clinical therapist is to help clients understand possible reasons/triggers that are causing their anxiety and/or depression, and then possible coping strategies to help. After several sessions with some clients, I have noticed once they start reducing their symptoms of anxiety and/or depression, they then become uncomfortable with this…
Read MoreLife is not always easy. When we experience struggles and suffering, our psyche feels it too. Adverse events take a toll on our mental health and challenge our ability to cope; our inability to cope can get us stuck in a cycle of pessimism and constant stress. We will all experience darker, gloomier days throughout our lifetime. One of the most challenging things about being stuck under a “rainy cloud” for a period of time is figuring…
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From a very young age, children are taught to strive to be the best. Not the best versions of themselves but the best. Period. As they get older, teachers, parents, and society puts immense pressure on individuals to get straight As, excel at standardized testing, participate in extra-curricular activities, volunteer, and then, just maybe you’ll get into a good college. Once in college the pressure starts again. Get straight As, find great summer internships, participate in a…
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Madissyn Fredericks, Licensed Professional Counselor It is likely that most relationships could use some help when it comes to communication. No one always responds perfectly, always agrees, or listens the way they need to during every conversation and that’s normal. The thing is, many couples engage in unhealthy communication all the time and do not seek help to change it. It is difficult to change the way you have always communicated with others even though it isn’t…
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As we transition and develop through different stages of life our ability to identify and communicate the emotions we may be feeling fluctuates. Although it may seem counterintuitive, at a young age we typically have a high ability to identify and express our feelings, which decreases through adolescence. When an individual is able to recognize their emotional distress and what it’s attributable to, they have a higher chance of being able to resolve the issue. This idea…
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Madissyn Fredericks, Licensed Professional Counselor Sometimes those we are closest to are the ones who are most difficult to set boundaries with, and family is no exception. Our family usually knows how to cheer us up, motivate us, and care for us, however, sometimes they also know how to hurt us. Even if your family is healthy and functional there may be a few family members who cross the line when it comes to your boundaries. By…
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