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4 Questions to Consider Before Getting Back With Your Ex

Madissyn Fredericks, Licensed Professional Counselor, Symmetry Counseling

We are all familiar with the emotional toll a breakup can take on us. Intense heartbreak can include a long period of many tears, sleepless nights, loss of appetite, and a wave of emotions ranging from anger to sadness and everything in between. While breakups usually result in a definite end of the relationship, many couples still want to give it another shot. After going through this difficult and emotionally taxing process, it is important to give yourself some time to consider your options before getting back together. As great as this idea may sound in the moment, it is important to do some self-reflection to make sure getting back with your ex is the best decision for you. Below are a few questions to ask yourself before re-committing to the relationship.

1. Do You Miss Them or Are You Lonely?

It is easy to rush back into an unhealthy relationship when you have gotten used to having someone there; you had someone to text, call, do things with, and care for you. That is difficult to give up. Before agreeing to try again, ask yourself if it is them you are missing or if you are missing the idea of having “someone”. If you miss the person, who they are, and the relationship specifically, that may be a good reason to try again. If not, then you may be setting yourself up for more heartbreak in the future as you aren’t going into it for the right reasons.

2. The Issues that Caused The Breakup and Is The Relationship Healthy?

What caused the breakup? Was it infidelity, growing apart, trust issues, jealousy, or distance? While the reasons vary for why a relationship ends, the truth is that people don’t change unless they want to. If the causes of the breakup were unhealthy, such as multiple infidelities, emotional, verbal, or physical abuse, lack of trust, etc., then it may be in your best interest to keep boundaries and end the relationship for good. When there is toxicity in the relationship and change is unlikely it is important to fight the urge to go back.

3. Is Forgiveness Possible?

Unfortunately, many breakups include one or both individuals getting hurt or betrayed. When you feel guilty or your partner is begging for forgiveness, you may feel a strong pull to give them another chance. While this pull can be intense, it is important to consider how much damage has been done and if you think forgiveness or trust can be established. Often times you may give the relationship another chance and end up unable to move past a hurt or betrayal.

4. Is This A Relationship That Makes You Happy?

Finally, one of the most important questions to ask yourself is, “Does this relationship make me happy?” While “happy” can mean different things to many people, general questions to ask yourself include: Is this a relationship where your needs are getting met, do you feel safe and loved, and do you love them in return? These kinds of healthy relationships may end for a variety of reasons, but they are also the kinds of relationships that can rekindle in a healthy manner. When you feel you let someone go that you shouldn’t and the relationship was healthy, it may be the right decision to get back the person who makes you happy.

If you have gone through a breakup and are considering getting back with your ex, consider some of these questions. If you feel like you need some more guidance, it may be helpful to connect with a therapist. Contact Symmetry Counseling at 312-578-9990 to schedule an appointment with one of our very skilled therapists today!

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