While things with your partner may have started out quite steamy, it’s difficult to sustain passion over the years. As dedicated as you are to your spouse, it’s hard to maintain that same level of sexual satisfaction after a long time making love to the same person. This is an issue that often brings couples in for our marriage counseling services, and fortunately, years of experience in counseling, as well as the most recent empirical research, have informed our practice with certain secrets to satisfying sex, no matter how long you have been together.
To have genuinely satisfying sex, it’s crucial to be present with your partner in that moment. Many people have had the experience of their mind wandering during love-making, and if you have certain insecurities about your body or sexual skills, you might have an inner critic who gets quite loud during sex. However, this distraction takes away from your experience. A key ingredient in satisfying sex is for both partners to be entirely absorbed in the moment, so put your phone on silent, take a deep breath, and let go of everything else.
Sharing True Intimacy
Intimacy isn’t simply about sex; in fact, establishing this intimacy happens long before you enter the bedroom. Satisfying sex happens when you can deeply trust and feel safe with another person, and you feel cared for by them. When you feel intimate with someone, physically and emotionally, this translates into an erotic connection. It’s important to establish intimacy with your partner outside of the bedroom first in order for your sex to be genuinely satisfying. It may help to spend a date night focused on deepening your emotional connection rather than aiming for the end goal of sex. Nurture the overall intimacy of the relationship, and the sex will follow.
Communicating and Empathizing With Each Other
Satisfying sex is contingent on the ability of both parties to understand what brings pleasure to the other. In order to understand what sort of touch is going to sexually satisfy your partner, it’s important to be able to listen and pay attention to how your partner is responding to you. On the flip side, having the communication and negotiation skills necessary to teach your partner how to please you is another component of satisfying sex.
Another big component is how much you are able to empathize with your partner. This will bridge the gap between what is said and what isn’t, allowing you to be sensitive to your partner’s needs and emotions as you make love. While some people are more vocal during sex, much of the act is about nonverbal communication, and empathy is a key ingredient to understanding what is being conveyed physically. It’s not always easy to tell your partner exactly what you want, so being able to pick up on nonverbal cues can be incredibly helpful in making sex satisfying. If you and your partner struggle to communicate effectively, taking some time in couples therapy to work on this skill may help your sex life.
Being Honest and Open
Great sex happens when both partners feel like they can truly be themselves. When you can make love without fear of judgment, you are uninhibited and can truly let go. You don’t have to feel self-conscious or censor yourself, so you can completely surrender to the moment. The freedom to be emotionally vulnerable without expectations allows you and your partner to fully see each other for who you are, and that beautiful experience leads to sexual satisfaction. Foster honesty in your relationship by being forthcoming with your partner about your sexual needs, desires, and insecurities.
Taking Risks and Having Fun
Have things started to get predictable in the bedroom? This is a common reason why married people aren’t sexually satisfied. Satisfying sex is about exploration. It is a journey of discovery, trying new things and pushing your sexual boundaries. This doesn’t mean that you have to introduce anything you’re uncomfortable with; it can be as simple as doing it in a new place, such as the shower or on the kitchen floor. Even getting away for the night and staying at a hotel can breathe some intrigue into your love-making. Most importantly, have fun with it! As you’re exploring new sexual territory, don’t be afraid of being playful and humorous about it. When you think about it, sex is a pretty funny act! A sense of humor can go a long way towards making you both feel more comfortable as you try new things.
If any of these secret ingredients are missing in your love-making, you may benefit from marriage counseling in Chicago. At Symmetry Counseling, we have helped many couples revive their sex lives and re-establish that intimacy. Contact us for an appointment with one of our qualified therapists today.