Many of us have experienced breakups and know they can be messy and ugly. Often we are left with unanswered questions, resentment, anger, and fears that seem to stick with us for longer than we would like them to. So what do you do when you need closure and are not able to receive it from your ex? There are several ways to obtain the closure you deserve on your own without having to go through another heartbreaking conversation with your ex. Below are a few strategies you can use to get the closure you deserve when you are feeling stuck after a breakup that can help you move forward in a healthy way.
Write A Letter You Never Send
Sometimes breakups leave you with a ton of pent-up feelings you need to get out. Writing a letter addressed to your ex that you never send can help you release those pent-up emotions without judgment. Say everything you need to say, ask questions you need to be answered, and share your feelings, thoughts, and fears. Once you have finished writing the letter, you can write another one responding to it as if you were your ex. In it, write what you need/want to hear in order to get that closure. You can then do what you wish with them, but it is usually best if they are not sent to your ex.
Acknowledge It Ended For A Reason
Remind yourself why your relationship ended and why it was the best decision for the both of you. Reflecting on the red flags, what went wrong, and even what went well will help you gain clarity on the relationship and reframe the breakup in an adaptive way. Rather than thinking about it as the worst experience in the world, think of it as an opportunity to learn about what you need and want in a significant other and relationship.
Allow Yourself to Grieve
A breakup is a loss: a loss of a relationship that meant a lot to you. Therefore, naturally, you are going to go through the ups and downs of the stages of grief. These stages include periods of sadness, denial, anger, fear, and acceptance. Rather than shutting these feelings out or rushing into another relationship, make sure you take the time to go through these stages properly without judging yourself. Take the time you need and eventually, you will be able to move on in a healthy manner.
Forgive Yourself and Your Ex
If you are harboring a lot of resentment or anger towards you or your ex, it is going to be very difficult to move on. Forgiveness is not easy, but it is necessary to get the closure you need and deserve. Try reflecting on who needs forgiveness, why, and ways you can let go. Forgiving someone doesn’t make what they did okay, but it does help you move forward rather than feeling stuck in a dark place.
Make New Memories
There may be certain spots that remind you of your ex: places you went on dates, experienced special moments, or where you had a big fight. Rather than avoiding these places altogether, try creating your own closure by creating new memories in these places. Over time, invite friends and family to share in new experiences with you so these places aren’t tainted by the relationship. Creating new memories in these spaces will help bring you re-engage with the other important people in your life and over time, it won’t feel like everything reminds you of your ex.
If you have gone through a breakup and are having a difficult time getting the closure you need, consider some of these techniques. If you feel like you need some more guidance, it may be helpful to connect with a therapist. Contact Symmetry Counseling at 312-578-9990 to schedule an appointment with one of our very skilled therapists today!