Meenal Patel, Licensed Professional Counselor

Breakups are difficult for many reasons, and often times during the breakup, we do not know how to handle it in a healthy and beneficial way. We tend to focus on the negatives of the relationship and also for the day and a few days after feeling anger and wondering why the relationship not work out. If you are the one who is doing the break-up or have been broken-up with, follow these tips to help you move past the relationship in a health way.

DOs

  • Contact splurge: As soon as you are ready (definitely sooner than later), delete them from your phone and any social media that you are connect with them. If you are able to, also stay away from social media for a little bit, so you do not have the urges of going to their pages.
  • Use your support system: Lean on your support system the day of and for a few days after. Your support system can allow you to vent or distract you from what happened.
  • Learn from your experiences: All relationships teach us something about ourselves and what we are looking for in relationships. Turn the loss into a learning experience.
  • Accept where you are: You might be thinking that you are too old and wasted too much time in the relationship but accepting that it is okay. There is a reason why it did not work out, but it just makes you stronger.
  • Focus on your strengths: Identify what are positives about yourself and your best qualities. Remind yourself that you are worth everything that you are, and you are resilient.
  • Be patient: You just went through a break-up and that does not mean that you have to go looking for your next partner. Using this time to focus on you and being selfish. Good relationships will come your way, but you have to be content with where you are at first.

DON’Ts

  • Have break-up sex: Do not have sex with your ex-partner no matter how long ago the break-up was. This will just make things more complicated. Stay away from each other.
  • Don’t talk about your ex-partner to their friends or family: Don’t forget that they are still their friends and family, so do not say anything bad about them. Be polite and nice to people that are their support networks.
  • Try to act like everything is okay: Do not hide your emotions or feelings. Expressing emotions can be healthy and you do not have to keep everything to yourself.
  • Abuse substances: Drugs and alcohol alter our emotion state and when under the influence, you might regret something you said or did. Stay away from substances during a time that you are very emotional.
  • Moving on too quickly: Do not rush into your next relationship. You do not want to regret moving too quickly into a relationship just because you are alone or missing a piece of your life.

Break-ups are always tricky and trying to separate your lives from each other. Reminding yourself that you were YOU before the relationship and trying to bring YOU back is important. Focusing on you and doing what you want to do is important. You will be in a relationship again, but sometimes it takes time, so do not rush into anything that you might regret.

If you are struggling with a relationship and are seeking support in how to maneuver the relationship, feel free to reach out to any of our talented therapists for a complimentary 20-minute phone consult.