Month: September 2016

We all process information differently. Some of us need to talk it out as soon as issues arise, while some of us need a couple of hours or even a couple of days to gather our thoughts before discussing it. A common communication dynamic that I see as a couples therapist are two individuals who process information and communicate differently. Often times, one partner is an external processor while the other partner is an internal processor. External…

What were you thinking about just now? I would bet that it didn’t have anything to do with what is going on with you right at this moment. I would also bet that it was probably about what you have to do or get done for the day, planning or figuring out something for the future, or thinking about something that happened in the past, replaying it over and over in your head and thinking about how…

Technology itself is a bystander to our lives. We choose how we want to interact with it and whether it serves as a benefit or a danger to our relationships. Here are a handful of tips for promoting healthy technological behavior in your relationship. DO video chat when long-distance. Being able to see and hear our partners when they are not with us is a gift of our modern technological age. For some it feels awkward, makes…

We live in an age of technological distraction, where the primary modes of relaxation and diversion involve staring at a screen. For many, technology serves as an escape from the present, whether through procrastination, avoidance, or denial. This can dramatically limit our time to be present with others and negatively impact our interpersonal relationships. Sure, we can watch the same show with our partners, challenge each other in Pokémon Go, or play a video game together. But just…

A question I will often get is, “When should a couple begin couples therapy?” or, “How do you know when it’s time to get outside help?” While every couple and every relationship is different, getting an expert’s point of view and feedback is always valuable for a relationship. My honest answer is that it is never too soon to begin couples therapy because you can use it as an opportunity to learn more about yourself, your partner,…

I feel so selfish if I take time or do something for me. That’s time I should be ____ “ (insert with my children/husband/wife/partner/friends or working/cleaning/running errands, or anything or anyone besides the person themselves). This statement, or something similar, is something that I hear frequently from my clients. There appears to be this negative perception or a sense of guilt attached to taking care of or spending time for ourselves. We often feel selfish, like it…

Add to cart, add to cart, add to cart, buy, buy, buy, feel a high or sense of relief, go into or deeper into debt, possibly hide the evidence, experience feelings of shame, anxiety, and/or depression, repeat the process over and over and over again. Compulsive buying is characterized by a repetitive need to make purchases with the motivation to obtain a sense of relief from stress or negative feelings. Compulsive buyers will often feel a sense…

Every couple argues. It is a part of being in a partnership, and contrary to popular belief, arguing is actually healthy for your relationship. Arguing and disagreeing on important issues in your relationship can perpetuate growth, both individually and as a couple, and can facilitate a deeper understanding and appreciation of each other. However, arguing and fighting often gets a bad reputation because many couples do not know how to argue in a healthy and effective manner.…

“I can’t adult today.” It is a funny catch phrase that has recently seen a lot of popularity and trending in social media. It probably speaks to many of us, possibly quite often too, when the stress, responsibilities, and difficulties of being an adult seem like too much and we wish for the days when we were younger, living with our parents, possibly job and money stress free, and living “the life.” But the reality is that…

I will often see couples who are attending couples therapy to work on their communication. While many couples have deeply rooted patterns in how they communicate that are unhealthy and ineffective, many miscommunications and conflicts stem from gender differences in communication. Typically, not always, men are problem-solvers while women prefer validation and empathy. Let me paint a picture that may seem all too familiar to you. A woman is getting ready to go out and is trying…