People change, situations and circumstances change, and relationships change; life is an evolving journey where change is inevitable. And while change is ideally approached by welcoming it with open arms, the fallout from life can sometimes cause the acceptance of change to be a painful and difficult challenge. This is especially true following a breakup.
A million ways to say goodbye
Married couples who’ve been wed for decades, long-term partners, and even fiery flings; relationships are varied as are the reasons people decide to end their time together. Whether the decision to end a relationship was one sided or the feeling was mutual, a split can really hurt. And, if you’re reeling from being at the receiving end of a breakup decision, that can really add salt to the wound. Just because a split is a common life occurrence doesn’t make it any easier to deal with.
Down and out blues
After what is usually such a positive start, the end of a relationship can feel like a grade one fail, knocking you off your feet and turning your life upside down in the process. If you are going through a breakup right now, or have been grappling with a recent split, then you might be experiencing what seems like an uphill struggle with one or more difficulties, such as:
- Inability to let go of the past
- Inability to move on with life
- Low self-confidence and low self-esteem
- Social anxiety
- Guilt and shame
- Anger and resentment
- A feeling of powerlessness
- Obsessive, illogical, and irrational thoughts
- Upset and tearful emotional turmoil
- Confusion and fearfulness
While these feelings might be expected,you can seek the right support, professional or otherwise, if you start to feel overwhelmed and you’re simply not coping well.
Fix your life after a breakup
Healing from the loss of a romantic relationship takes time; you need to grieve your loss and take care of yourself as you would someone you really cared for who was going through a tough time. While you can’t expect your feelings to flip into happy mode immediately, there are practical steps you can take to get over a breakup and ultimately move on:
- Share – A problem shared is a problem halved and it is important that you talk to other people who can relate to how you feel so that you don’t feel as alone. You might be surprised at how much others understand your pain. Don’t hold back from getting the support of a counseling professional. Sometimes those closest to us are not always able to provide that necessary neutral space in which you can be honest about how you really think and feel.
- Acknowledge how you feel – You might be surprised by the intensity of your emotions, but it’s important to recognize these feelings as valid. They are a necessary part of the healing process.
- Let your feelings out – If you bottle up how a breakup has affected you on an emotional and psychological level, it could hold you back from getting over your disappointment. Practice not being too judgemental or analytical about the feelings you are experiencing. Go with them. Sometimes you just have to ride the tide of emotional upheaval until the surge subsides.
- Try not to confuse feelings with action – While your thoughts might be lacking in rationale when it comes to your ex partner, this does not mean that you have to act on these triggers. Allowing natural reactions to be expressed is different than acting on them and making what might ultimately turn out to be bad decisions.
- Be kind to yourself – With energy levels low, turn the attention onto yourself and nourish your physical and mental wellbeing.
- Lead a healthy lifestyle – A nutritious diet with the right amount of quality sleep and some energizing activities can give you the stamina to get over what can be an exhaustive and draining process.
- Surround yourself with positivity – Hang out with people who make you feel good and do things that make you feel great. Avoid negative influences and patterns of behavior that are going to set you back on your road to breakup recovery.
Seek professional counseling if you need support
If you’re struggling to find your feet, worry you are plunging into depression or feel as if your identity has been smashed into a thousand tiny pieces, you may find the most effective route to regaining balance and harmony is with the support of a professional counselor.
You may be newly single but that doesn’t mean you have to suffer alone!